national adoption month

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When I look at this sweet boy of mine, it’s hard to believe that just a few years ago, I had zero interest in adoption. I remember when Caleb and I were engaged and he shared with me that he wanted to adopt in the future and I told him right then and there that I had no interest. I mean, zero, nothing.

It’s funny to me when I look back to see how God redirects us. How we think we know what we want and we visualize our perfect future and then God (I imagine with a loving smile) nudges us back on the path that he knows is best.

As he redirects and we rest in him, our desires change and line up with his plan. It’s a beautiful thing really. He did a little bit of nudging in my heart almost 4 years ago until I finally came to Caleb and explained that I wanted to adopt. Not only did I want to adopt, but I wanted to adopt before we ever had biological children.

I have never been a consistent blogger but I did have a blog through the first couple of years of our adoption process that one day literally disappeared somewhere into cyberspace and I cannot get back into it. It makes me so sad because it was the only written journal that I have through that part of the process and now it’s gone. Our journey is marked by longing and celebration, beauty and brokenness, worry and trust, and most of all, JOY! I love sharing our story because it is clearly God’s story. It’s a testament to Him in every way because we would never have made it through without him. We would never have our sweet little Crew without him. Maybe someday I will write it out again but I love to talk about it any chance that I get!

November is National Adoption Month and it will always be a special month in our home. We will always celebrate how Crew came into our family and we will always honor his birth-mom’s brave choice.

I will never forget seeing Crew for the very first time. In that moment I became a mom and my world was forever changed. Adoption is beautiful and tough all wrapped in one. It was a long three and a half year journey for us but I’m so grateful for it. We learned so much in that time and I know the Lord used it to prepare me to the very best mommy for Crew.

If you ever have any questions about our story or adoption in general, please feel free to reach out! I’m an open book and would love to chat. xoxo

Happy National Adoption Month!!!

some tough stuff

Adoption is amazing and I’m a huge advocate of it (obviously!) but it’s also messy. I think often times we romanticize it but when it comes down to it, there are just some extremely heartbreaking pieces that come along with the joy.crew-tummy-time

I didn’t know until right before Crew was born that babies adopted right at birth, even if they never spend time with their birth mom out of the womb, can go through periods of mourning. I guess I assumed that we were going to get to skip that part since we were the only parents that Crew would ever know but I was wrong. Babies connect with their birth mom’s voices, heartbeats and rhythms while in utero and so it is highly possible that they will mourn losing her. It’s so sad.

We hadn’t seen any signs of Crew mourning until yesterday. All of you mamas get it that you KNOW your baby’s different cries. There is the hungry cry, the upset cry, the needy cry and the all-out angry cry! Last night, Crew’s cry was so different. It was beyond sad and in my spirit I knew that he was experiencing a little bit of mourning. Oh you guys, it was so heartbreaking to see him go through that. All we could do was hold onto him and do our best to comfort his sweet little heart.

It was pretty amazing because after a little while, we decided to pray and as soon as Caleb finished praying, peace washed over Crew. It was immediate and the mourning was over.


I realized that we may face this at different points in Crew’s life as he tries to figure out who he is and where he belongs. We have decided that we want to be very open with him about his adoption and how his birth mom chose this for him as an act of bravery, because let’s be honest, there are other options out there that she could have chosen. We will explain how we, and so many of you prayed for years for him before he was even born and how God chose him to be ours and us to be his. We will always celebrate that we get to be a family, even though I am anticipating that at times, this could be confusing to our sweet boy and painful I’m sure.

I pray that Crew would always know that even more than he is a part of us and our family, that he is God’s. I pray that He chooses to follow Christ so that he can be adopted into His family, as His son. There is nothing better.

Can I ask for some prayer? You guys reading this are the ones who support us and have been praying for our little family and we could really use it right now. We just got an email this morning from our agency that had an unexpected bill in it that we have to pay before we can finalize the adoption process. We were under the impression that the adoption was completely paid for and that we didn’t owe any more money so this came as a shock to us and we simply don’t have the money right now. We need God to provide so we can finish this thing and make Crew officially ours! Thanks so much friends!


inhaling Jesus – exhaling worry and fear

Last night we got some tough news. Our adoption agent called to give us an update on our birth mom and her medical records.

The good news is that she is still confident in her decision to adopt and her choice with us. She is keeping in great contact with her rep from the agency and has recently moved into safe housing.

Then we discussed her recent medical records. To be fully transparent, one of the reasons we were excited to show our profile to this birth mom, was because on her application, she had stated that there was no current or past substance abuse. (She was the only birth mom that we had been presented with in 6 months that had this clear of a history.) Our ‘ideal’ situation.

We found out last night that she tested positive in November for Marijuana and amphetamines (likely meth). It felt like a punch to the gut. They tested her again in February and I will find out the results to that test next week.

She also test positive for an STD called Trichomoniasis (“Trich” for short) which is easily treatable for her but is extremely dangerous for a baby in utero. It often causes premature birth and low birth weight. (another punch)

I hung up the phone and immediately grabbed my keys and headed straight for the gym. I know this sounds like an unlikely place to go in a time like this but I have found that when I am doing a cardio workout and depleting myself, I am so receptive to the Lord’s voice and in that moment, that is ALL I needed.

With tears pooling at the bottom of my eyes, and “Bethel Music” playing in my earphones, I climbed up on the Stairmaster and just started going. My breath prayer was that God would speak to me. I needed Him so close. I needed to hear the sweet, calming, fierce voice of my Father.


The next 40 minutes on that Stairmaster was a pure, messy, beautiful time of worship. An exchange from His heart to mine and then back again.

I was literally inhaling Jesus and exhaling worry and fear step by step. With each breath I was filled with more of Him and less of me.
Exhale – ‘But what if our baby is sick? What if he isn’t okay?!’
Inhale – “You unravel me, with a melody…
Till all my fears are gone.”
(I am in control Sarah and I will continue to undo you so that you can be more like me.)

Exhale – ‘Jesus, I don’t know if I can handle this!’
Inhale – “Cause when I fall to my knees,
You’re the one who pulls me up again”
(Sarah, you can’t, but I can. I’ve got you and this baby and every single time you fall, I will pull you up again)

Exhale – ‘Jesus, why??’ Why is this happening to us and that innocent baby?!’
Inhale – “What a mystery
That you notice me
And in a crowd of ten thousand
You don’t miss a thing”
(Sweet Sarah, I love you and I know you and I’m in control of it all, every detail and I have a perfect plan. There is no need to worry.)

Exhale – ‘I’m so scared that he will have lasting issues his whole life. What if he has a delay or disability? I’m so afraid God!’
Inhale – “And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea”
(Don’t you remember who I AM Sarah? I can tell a mountain to move and it will jump. I’ve got this.)

Exhale – ‘You are right Jesus. You have always been here for me. Ok, I’m
letting go. I trust you Jesus.’
“Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.”
Inhale(That’s all I want from you right now Sarah.)

Exhale – “I have to know you
All that’s within me
Cries out for your presence, God
Nothing compares
There’s no one else
Jesus you’re my one desire ”
Inhale(Through every step, keep seeking my face Sarah. That is the point.)

And then as I was finishing the last few minutes of my workout, utterly exhausted, but spiritually elated, the song “Ever Be” by Bethel came on and led me into a time of worship. The kind of worship that can only happen when you are completely open, empty and vulnerable and I got to praise my sweet Jesus for being so huge, yet so intimate with me all at the same time.

It is well with my soul.