brave as a lion

September 1, 2016September 1, 2016 ~ inourlittleredhouse ~ Leave a comment

Brave as a lion

Finding the perfect middle name for our sweet Crew proved to be unbelievably difficult. We wanted a name that sounded right between the names Crew and Thatcher (correct syllables for rhythm, etc.) and a name that had cool meaning. I just couldn’t figure it out.

We prayed. We flipped through name books. We scoured the internet. Nothing.

Caleb and I generally have the same taste in names but one day, just over a month before Crew would be born, Caleb busted through our front door after work and with all of the excitement in the world told me that he had figured it out! He had the PERFECT middle name for our boy!

Leonidas.

Leo-what?! Leonidas?!!! What IS that??

I didn’t like it at all and I was sure to let Caleb know it! I asked him what the name meant…..he didn’t know.

Perfect. I thought as I looked it up right there on my phone hoping that this would be my way out; that it would have some horrible meaning so that we couldn’t possibly give this name to our precious baby. I mean, Caleb’s reasons for liking the name were that it sounded awesome, like a warrior, and that it is Greek (to which Caleb loves to own his small sliver of Greek heritage!).

“Brave as a lion”

For the love. Are you serious?!

I wouldn’t even tell Caleb at first knowing that the meaning would only cement the idea in for him. And of course, when I finally did divulge the meaning, he was beyond elated!

The crazy thing is that for the few months before Crew was born, as we were preparing our hearts and home for Crew’s arrival, the word “brave” kept coming to us. Every single time I was creating something for his room, “Be brave little one” would play over and over in my head and it would bring tears to my eyes each time.

In fact, because of this word on our hearts, we ended up giving his room a little “brave” theme although that was not the original intention at all. Previously, as we had been praying for specific traits for our future son, bravery was not one of the top on our list, but apparently, it was on the top of the Lord’s list because He definitely spoke it to us over and over.

“Brave as a lion”. I couldn’t believe it.

Fast forward to the hospital, 2 days after Crew was born, still without a middle name… I had nothing. No other runner-up names. I started to think that maybe I should just let Caleb have this one. The name actually started to grow on me a little (although I didn’t want to admit that to Caleb!) and I spent some time talking to one of our nurses in the NICU about it when Caleb had stepped out for a bit.

This sweet lady encouraged me in my marriage. She explained that sometimes (a lot of times actually) in marriage, we need to lay down ourselves and desires for the needs and wants of our spouse. It’s true. This name was HUGE for Caleb and he is huge to me, so I knew what I needed to do.

When I told Caleb that we could give Crew the middle name Leonidas, he completely lit up! You guys, this sweet man of mine was so excited about this that there were tears and hugs and more tears!

So worth it.

And you know what?…..I actually really like it for our sweet Crew. I think it’s very fitting for him.

And even more importantly, I really like it that Crew Leonidas’ daddy loves it so much!

up-cycling ugly ornaments

December 23, 2015December 23, 2015 ~ inourlittleredhouse ~ Leave a comment

Once upon a time, I bought some really ugly ornaments. Let’s just say that my style and taste have changed in the past few years and so this year, it was time for a new look. However, I couldn’t fathom going out and spending a bunch of money on all new ornaments so I came up with a quick plan to up-cycle our old ornaments on a dime!

ornaments before — This is what I was working with. (I went through a phase where all of my ornaments were hot pink, purple and a bright blue!)

I had some yarn remnants on hand (tip: ALWAYS keep any amount of leftover yarn that you have! It’s great for gift wrap instead of ribbon, tag ties, etc.) so I got them out and decided on a color scheme based on what I had. I decided to go for more natural, softer tones.

I plugged in my hot glue gun, and then just started wrapping, and adding little spots of glue every few times around to make sure that it was secure. There wasn’t much strategy to this because I wanted each ornament to look like a hanging ball of yarn on the tree so I just wrapped and wrapped!

Each one came out so cute and was the perfect addition to our first ever real tree! The best part is that I didn’t spend a dime!

Another little diy, simple and cost friendly Christmas décor tip: Use the branches that you cut off from the bottom of your tree to decorate the rest of your house! I got out all different vases and containers and filled them with the loose branches. It’s adds such warmth to your home and it’s FREE!

I hope that these tips and ideas were helpful! So as you put away your ornaments after Christmas this season, don’t throw away any of the old ones that you don’t like anymore…up-cycle them for a whole new look!

Merry Christmas!!

saying goodbye to “our” twins

October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 ~ inourlittleredhouse ~ Leave a comment

I wish that each of you reading this could be sitting on my couch with me, curled up with some coffee because that would make this a whole lot more comfortable!

The cool thing is, I actually feel completely comfortable talking about this now because The Lord has done tremendous healing in my heart since it all happened, but typing it out on a document can feel pretty sterile to be honest with you. But, this blog not only serves as a great way of communicating our story with those that care for us, but it also is a memoir for our family to hopefully always have to look back on and see God’s story played out in our little lives. So here we go….

A couple months ago, we were buzzing around like crazy getting ready for “our” twins to arrive. Since we announced that we were getting the twins, we were absolutely showered with hand-me-downs and gifts from so many generous people and in the meantime, we were getting to build a relationship with our birth mom. We adore her. It was amazing to me how quickly she had a place in our hearts and felt like part of our family. We were excited about the possibility of an open adoption with her, if she decided that was what she wanted. However, after our first doctor’s visit with her, where we got to hear the two little heartbeats, our birth mom told us that she was having a tough time with the whole situation. She said that she wasn’t changing her mind but asked for space.

That was a rough text to receive and fear and panic washed over me as I read it over and over again. I was so worried that she was going to change her mind and that these babies wouldn’t be ours anymore. That very morning I remember praying and asking the Lord to refine me more before I became a mommy. Little did I know how quickly he would answer!

I was a hot mess for a few days and had to continually hand the fear I was feeling over the The Lord because I just couldn’t handle it on my own. I wanted to trust her (our birth mom) when she said that she wasn’t changing her mind. I wanted to trust what I saw in her situation when it looked impossible for her to keep these twins. I wanted to trust God that He had it all under control with my best in mind but it was a struggle!

There were about 2 weeks where we didn’t do much with the adoption or for the twins. We reached out to our birth mom a few times with no response and each time, I reverted back to fear and just stood still.

But then there was one weekend where I really felt that God was telling me to prepare, to get ready for these babies. Along with that, came a sense of urgency to get their room ready (which I hadn’t done anything to!).

We started immediately and spent the next 2 weeks decorating their sweet little room and washing and organizing all of their clothes and baby items. I was in my happy place because I got to get crafty and as I sewed, glued and designed, I would just pray for “our” twins and imagine them in our little red house.

nursery — (sorry for the horrible quality in the pic ….. iPhone)

We had been debating over names for a few weeks but in this time of preparation, their names became clear to us. Once we named them, our prayers became more specific for each of them and their futures.

This season of preparation was such a sweet one. Fear had left and excitement jumped in.

But then….

This one particular morning I woke up and was finally able to emotionally hand the twins over to the Lord and really let go of control. (I didn’t really have any anyway, but I tried to)! I was in a constant internal battle, trying to release control and this one morning, I was finally able to.

That same morning, I found out from our lawyer that we needed some information from the birth mom and birth dad and that I had to be the one to obtain it. So I texted the birth mom and for the first time in a month, she responded. But her response sent me to the floor.

“We have decided to keep the babies…..”.

She continued on to explain that her situation had changed and therefore, they were going to keep them.

Here is the thing, I have hit the floor before. I have spent time on the floor writhing in pain, unable to control my emotions, body or thoughts and THAT is the very place I found true intimacy with Jesus. I grew up knowing who Jesus was but it wasn’t until I was on the floor, alone, at 25 years old that I first really met Him and felt Him. And because of His closeness in my life, from that very place years ago, the floor is actually a sweet place of rest for me.

I have prayed over and over again in the last 9 years to be able experience that same intimacy without the grief that brought me there and the truth is, I always get in my own way. So as I laid in the middle of the floor in my living room, although I was overcome with sadness and grief, I felt peace because there He was, my Father, holding me.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel the grief any less, I just wasn’t alone in it. Caleb came home from work soon after that and we just held each other as we tried to comprehend what this meant for our family.

I got to see the birth mom the following day and that helped me, and I think her too, so much. I still love her. I still love those twins because I’m invested in them. But I knew I had to fully let them go.

It’s been just over a month since we lost “our” twins. It has been so interesting to see how Caleb and I both grieve this so differently but I am getting to know my husband on an even deeper level through it and I’m so grateful for that. God is completely healing our hearts and we finally got to the point recently where we don’t think about the twins every day and mourn them which feels like a big step. God is the ultimate healer.

So what’s next for us and our adoption?

Just last week we contacted our agency again and told them that we are available to meet new birth moms. We also are still praying that we get pregnant and are working through that at the same time since my clock is ticking!

For now, the baby room is still there, all decorated and ready for when the time is right. (I had so much fun creating it all so I will be doing some future posts for some of the DIY projects that we did in there.)

Thank you so, so much for all of the love, prayers and support. We have been once again, overwhelmed by it all.

lessons from a white couch

September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 ~ inourlittleredhouse ~ Leave a comment

There I was, vacuuming our white couch, again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our white couch and how it looks in our little house. God has literally answered prayers on this very couch. This is the couch that we sat on with our birth mom when she told us that she chose us to be the parents to her babies. On this couch we have laughed (hard) with dear friends of ours and cried with others. This is a place of comfort and gathering in our home. We love it.

Trust me, I have actually heard many opinions from many people about how crazy we are to have a white couch with a black dog and now twins coming. And this day, as I was reluctantly cleaning it yet again, I agreed with each of them for the first time. Until…..

it occurred to me, vacuum still in hand, that this white couch, and the fact that I have to clean it ALL THE TIME, is actually a blessing! (what?!) Before you think that I’ve totally lost it, let me explain.

We all have dirty couches! Whether we have pets, kids, or even just us cuddling and kicking our feet up, we’ve got junk. The difference with my white couch is that it’s visible! And because the junk is visible, I address it and take care of it.

As I realized this, it started to freak me out how little I cleaned our last couch! I would vacuum it, but only once a month or so or when we had special company coming over and yet, we had the same amount of junk on it, it was hidden, and therefore ignored! Yuck right?! (Before you run off to clean your own couch, stick with me for the best part.)

Isn’t this the same in our own life? If we keep all of the junk, tough stuff, yucky parts of who we are in our flesh hidden, then we don’t have the opportunity to deal with it, or better yet, let God deal with it. But, if we become like white couches, revealing to our owner (God), ALL of us, even the deepest parts that are attached to guilt and shame, then, he can clean us up!

The amazing thing is that He is not afraid or appalled by our worst stuff. He is the master cleaner and restorer!

So who’s with me? Who is going to choose today to allow him into those deep, hairy, dirty crevices and let Him do His magic?

Note: IF you are thinking about purchasing a white couch, I do highly recommend this one! It is the Ektorp sofa from Ikea. It is inexpensive (for a couch!), comfortable, and the white is actually a washable cover so you can remove the covers from each cushion, and the entire base of the couch, and just throw it in your washing machine! I do vacuum it for weekly (sometimes daily) maintenance, and then wash it only when needed.

2nd note: Look on Craigslist! We purchased this one for $300 (normally $1000) AND we are now friends with the sweet lady who sold it to us!

defining “simple living”

August 18, 2015 ~ inourlittleredhouse ~ 2 Comments

For the past 2 years, the Lord has been whispering the word “simplify” in my ear, so much that I can’t ignore it. We de-cluttered, sold things, gave other things away, and then we went to Uganda. For 5 months, we lived off of the 14 items of clothing that we took with us, ate the same thing every week, and had few electronics, and we found it to be so freeing. Before we came home, we talked a lot about how we would want life to look back in the U.S. We knew that we wanted to live our day to day lives even more simply than before and talked about specific ways that we would do that.

I dreamed of an Anthropologie inspired home with white walls and neutral tones. Baskets, reclaimed wood, and live plants would take care of the décor in our little home and we would have space and room to breathe because there would be no clutter. Anything that would need to be added to our home would be either homemade or purchased second-hand.

To me, this picture that I had sketched in my head was a breath of fresh air.

But then, we moved into our little red house and started unpacking. It was like Christmas in June seeing all of our belongings that had been waiting for us for 6 months in storage while we were out of the country. Here is the thing that I quickly realized as I looked through everything we own… I like color! I love lime green, teal and mustard yellow. I’m drawn to the color mint and a deep magenta makes my heart smile. I love color.

So I had a choice. Get rid of all of our current, colorful textiles and décor in order to fit this natural motif that I had been dreaming of, or, just roll with what I’ve got! And friends, we are rolling! Now don’t get me wrong, I still am so inspired by people’s homes that are raw and muted but ours is just not turning out that way.

My new path to simplicity is filled with much more grace and isn’t as rigid as where I was before. I’m learning. I’m learning that the simplicity that the Lord is calling me to isn’t defined by lack of color; in fact, He is the one who created me to love these bright colors! The simple life that He is leading me toward is more of a compilation of small, seemingly insignificant, daily decisions.

It is the decision to be content with what I have instead of buying new.
It is the laying the to-do list aside when there is an opportunity to connect with a friend.
It is the choice to get rid of things that are taking up space but aren’t being used.
It is trusting that He is going to take care of me, even if I don’t have 3 jobs!
It is taking a moment to breathe and process before responding.
It is letting things go.
It is living in gratitude.
It is living below my means.
It is taking a day of rest.
It is not grabbing everything that I love from a store.
It is inviting people into my home, no matter if it’s cleaned up or a mess.
It is taking the time to stop what I’m doing and giving Caleb long, drawn out hugs.
It is cleaning out my closet (someday!).
It is making time with Jesus my first priority every morning.
It is eating real, unprocessed food.
It is being ok with just enough, and not an abundance.
It is (much) less time on social media.
It is living on less to have more time.
It is relaxing at home instead of always needing to be entertained.
It is eating to live, not living to eat.
It is dropping perfection and accepting the real me.
It is forgiving.
It is knowing my limits and not trying to be superwoman.
It is choosing joy.

This is my list that has unfolded in front of me. It may be different for everyone, I’m not sure, but I’m learning more each day as the Lord reveals it to me. I fail….a lot, but there is grace…..grace and COLOR!

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